i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
