it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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