Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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