last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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