I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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