proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize