I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
