so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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