Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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