It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
