true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you told grandpa to call you daddy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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