apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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