I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
