you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
