Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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