Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
