she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
