How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
