Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
