i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
