her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
