So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Welp...herpes.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
she looked like the before picture.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
