I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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