He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
