It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
