dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
