You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
