i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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