was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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