Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
