I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
