dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
