i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
