Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
