break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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