So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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