I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
