she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I enjoy the company of your penis
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
