There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
