remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Green mimosas i think yes
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Randomize
