halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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