i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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