Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
