Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
