i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
sex in a hospital.. check
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
