She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
