we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
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