Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
