I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
