We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
