I swear god or herbie drove my car home
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
