My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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