I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
be right there i have to get my cape
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
