As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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