Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
