she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
