grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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