Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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