Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Randomize
