When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
