Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
