just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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