$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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